As of recently I have felt "stuck" on my losses in grief. I tend to lean towards the loss because to me it is more identifiable and apparent in my grieving expereince. But, just recently that was challenged. I was talking to a fellow griever and I found myself asking them what they gained from their loss and grief? Right after I asked the question I quickly realized I have never REALLY asked myself that same question. I am always willing to indulge on what I had lost, but never what I had gained. When my mom died I felt a transfer of what I like to call "super powers" from her that helped me survive the first few months after her death. I saw time as fleeting and precious and was able to harness a strength I had never been able to touch within myself. This strength was something that my mother had harnessed within herself throughout her disease and until her final moments her on earth. The loss of her allowed me to gain this strength for myself. I didn't have lean on her to give it to me anymore. It was just in me. As more loss came to face through this first year without my mother I haven't truly reflected on what else I have been gaining on this journey, until right now. I gained a new identity, a new sense of life and purpose, a greater empathy and understanding of my humanness and the humanness around me. I am seeing now more than ever that with loss you are still constantly gaining. Seeing what you have gained can be really hard especially so soon after loss, but I encourage you to take a pause and reflect on your loss and grief. You may be surprised how much you have truly gained.
I love you all,